fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You ruined the universe
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
