Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
