i think my mom watched the whole time
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
