Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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