Don't you send me to vm
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
