well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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