You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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