She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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