Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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