well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
