i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
