Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
