Joe is yelling at the trees again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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