Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
