make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
