I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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