It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
