I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
