Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
