you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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