Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
