My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
