You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
