If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
