I'm gonna have a badass scar
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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