**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
