if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
