I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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