my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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