not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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