Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
