I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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