He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
