Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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