I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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