she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
