ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
