im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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