I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Will exercising make me less horny?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
