You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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