That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
