It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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