She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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