worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
