That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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