i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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