No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
