So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone came in the potted fern
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
