Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
