the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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