I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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